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Preparing for Warm Sex with a Man

Preparing for Warm Sex with a Man

Preparing for Warm Sex with a Man

Warm Sex

“To preserve opportunities for lusty, passionate sex, most successful long-term couples develop the ability to enjoy “warm sex.” Rather than emphasizing focused intensity, warm sex revolves around calmer experiences of sensuality, affection, pleasure and playful fun. Although warm sex usually includes genital stimulation, its goals are neither high arousal nor orgasm.

“Especially during periods when desire is relatively low, warm sex allows couples to maintain a physical bond and helps them to continue perceiving each other in a sexual light. Some people have a great difficulty learning to enjoy warm sex, while others gravitate to it naturally. In addition to its other rewards, warm sex maintains an erotic playground. The passion of new love is typically an automatic catalyst for sex. As the urgency calms, however, seasoned lovers make time for sex.”

Jack Morin, Ph.D. from The Erotic Mind, pp 281-282.

Getting Started 

Before you begin the practice, you will need a massage table, oil, sheets and towels. Quality massage tables are very inexpensive at Amazon and Costco – under $250. Purchasing a massage table is a commitment to your practice.

Mapping Pleasure

Mapping is a process where you caress your partner in a certain way and he gives you feedback on the sensations (or lack thereof). Your genital massage practice might start with several sessions of mapping and playing with your partner’s genitals. As you caress, he focuses his attention on the sensations in his genitals. Through this process, you can learn what he likes and what he doesn’t. Ask him, “How much pressure? Should I slow this touch down? Do you want me to keep doing this stroke for a while?”

You may wish to give names to your partner’s favorite ways to be touched so he can ask for those touches by name.

The video in this class, introduces you to 30 creative ways to touch the male genitals. It is easy to learn all these strokes. The real difficulty is for your partner to learn to receive what is possible as he is massaged.

 Active Receiving

The male receiver needs to be actively engaged in the massage process. He might ask himself some of the following questions: “Can I allow myself to feel pleasure? Can my ego tolerate prolonged, full body orgasm? Can I allow my heart to open? Can I stop the chatter inside my mind? Can I let go of blocks and chronic constrictions? Can I stay totally present during the massage, not going off into fantasies or distraction?”

We recommend watching the whole 30 minute video with your partner. As you watch the erotic massage strokes, try to feel in your body the sensations that Matthew and Steve are feeling. Now try these strokes on your partner. Have the video remote control or space bar on your computer available to stop the video so you and your partner can spend time practicing each stroke. Be sure to ut the remote in a Ziploc bag and cover your keypad to avoid mixing technology with oil. Speak the name of each stroke aloud as you do it on your partner. Ask him for verbal feedback. More pressure? Slower? More oil? Encourage your partner to breathe consciously with you. Finish the massage by having your partner do the Big Draw.

Conscious Breathing

Breathing together is a powerful way to begin your erotic massage practice. Play with different rhythms. Experiment with shallow breathing and then breathe deeply into your belly. A recommened pattern is two shallow breaths, then one deep and repeat. In the breathing exercises in this course, all the effort is on the inhale. Let go and relax on the exhale. No matter how fast you are breathing, you will not hyperventilate if you relax on the exhale. The masseur should guide his partner’s breathing with his own breath. Conscious breathing helps keep the musculature of the body relaxed, even during high erotic states. The breathing also keeps one in the present moment so it is difficult to go off into erotic fantasy. As the massage progresses and the erotic charge builds in the pelvis, the breath helps circulate the erotic energy throughout the body. If the receiver breathes throughout the massage, he can experience a breath orgasm in his body similar to an erotic orgasm. When a breath orgasm and an erotic orgasm happen simultaneously in the body, expanded levels of consciousness are possible.

The Massage

After you have connected with your partner through conscious breathing, give him a long, nurturing, warm oil massage of the back, legs and arms. Allow your awareness to be in your hands. Let him know by the quality of your touch that there is nowhere else you would rather be, that there is no one else you would rather be with.

In this course, two male lovers demonstrate strokes on each other.

This class includes full nudity and step-by-step explicit erotic touch instruction. In this class you can learn:

  • 30 strokes for the penis, including: 
  • High friction strokes 
  • Massage for the head of the penis 
  • Soft penis massage 
  • Scrotal massage 
  • The benefits of separating giving from receiving
  • Alternatives to ejaculation 
  • Breathing techniques that increase erotic energy

Instructors Include: Joseph Kramer Ph.D.

Class Format: 30 minutes of video watch online or download

This class is taken from the DVD “Fire on the Mountain – Male Genital Massage”.

The Body Electric School offers over fifty classes yearly in North America and Australia. Students learn sensual massage, mindful masturbation, erotic spirituality, tribal eroticism and more. Celebrate your body as a valuable and authentic guide. Enroll in the Body Electric School.

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Video Teachings

Beginning a Penis Massage

Beginning a Penis Massage

2:30 min.

Anointing with Oil.

In many cultures of the world dating back thousands of years, anointing with oil was a special ritual of honoring. With every stroke, let your partner know he is special among all your relations. Start by oiling the genital area and the corridor up to the heart. Then oil the whole front of the body. Rather than squirting oil directly onto your partner, put the oil on your hands and then on to his body. Since the tissues of the penis are very sensitive, too much oil is better than too little oil. Use more oil where there is more hair. Be sure to oil the perineum. Experiment with oils. We recommend coconut oil because it is light, unscented, and it washes out of sheets, towels and clothes with hot water. Many vegetable oils stain sheets and clothes. During the whole massage, try to keep at least one hand on the genital area at all times, continuously generating erotic energy. Make sure the man receiving has his eyes closed for the massage. And make sure that you are guiding him in his breathing.

Cock Shiatsu

Shiatsu is a Japanese word meaning “finger pressure.” With your thumb and first finger squeeze up and down the penis, both front and back and sides. This rhythmic stroke begins to wake up the inner tissues of the penis. Rock Around the Clock Once this massage stoke begins, most men are willing to receive all day and all night. We call this stroke

Rock Around the Clock.

The penis pointing toward the belly button is 12 o’clock. Alternate your hands sensuously and slowly rubbing the penis around the clock. Make sure you are massaging both the penis and the body parts below it.

Six O’clock Good News

At 5, 6, and 7 o’clock, wrap your whole hand around the penis. Take some extra time at 6 o’clock. This is a favorite position of many men, especially if they are soft or semi-hard. Men receiving, remember that the goal of this massage is not erection or ejaculation, but full body aliveness – orgasm nourishing every level of being. Most men find a two-thirds erection to be the most beneficial state in which to receive a an erotic massage. Erections, like the tides, ebb and flow. This is the natural rhythm of erotic energy.

A major technique of this massage is to pull the skin of the magic wand toward the base, especially if your partner is uncircumcised. This provides a pleasurable variation to most strokes. Try Rock Around the Clock with the skin of the penis pulled toward the body.

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Stimulating the Gates of Consciousness

Stimulating the Gates of Consciousness

4:00 min.

The Gates of Consciousness

Give special attention to the place just below the head on the underside of the penis. The area called the frenulum contains an intense concentration of nerve endings. This is the place of visions, the third eye in cock reflexology. Pull this skin taut with one hand and massage with thumb circles. You can also pinch this skin between your thumb and index finger and rub and tug.

Osho’s Delight

Cross-country skiing with your thumbs making alternating strokes up and down on the Gates of Consciousness, we call Osho’s Delight, in honor of a famous sex teachers. Osho said that three hours in the full body orgasmic state can heal dysfunctional sexual patterns forever. He also said that western men are all premature ejaculators – they come before they make a connection with themselves or with a partner.

Rainbow Rub

Cap the head of the penis with your whole hand, your fingers on the top side, your palm on the tip, the heel of your palm on the Gates of Consciousness. Squeeze while rubbing the heel of your palm up and down on the Gates of Consciousness. Some men see colors with this stroke.


With the penis resting on the belly, the heel of your hand closest to the feet glides up and down the underside with your fingers toward the feet. This area is the spine in cock reflexology. Pay special attention to the Gates of Consciousness area. This stroke generates a tremendous amount of erotic energy and frees up the other hand to massage other parts of the body.

The Big U

Your hand closest to his feet does the Healing Stroke, while your other hand glides from one knee up through the belly and down to the other knee. Return and repeat. Use more pressure on the tops of the thighs, and lighten up on the abdomen. Variations: Let your hand glide from the knee to the heart area to the other knee and back while you continue the Healing Stroke. Let the hand closest to the head do the Healing Stroke while the other hand massages from the inner thigh through the perineum to the other inner thigh. Repeat. Man receiving: Invite the energy in your hips to flow to every part of your body. Invite this sacred energy to weave you together into wholeness.

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High Friction Penis Massage

High Friction Penis Massage

2:30 min.

Twist and Shout

You twist, he shouts... with ecstasy. Again pull the skin taut toward the base with one hand and corkscrew your hand up and down the shaft. Cover as much skin as possible.

Twist and Shuot / Six O'clock Good News

Twist and Shout with the penis pointed towards the feet. This stroke is especially pleasurable when the man is soft or semi-soft. Slow is better than fast when your partner is soft. Be sure to use plenty of oil.

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Heart-Genital Connection

Heart-Genital Connection

3:00 min.

Belly Circles

The hand closest to the feet does the Healing Stroke. The other hand does full palm circles on the abdomen. Massage clockwise if the man receiving has eaten recently. Vary the speed and pressure. Massaging counterclockwise stirs up powerful male erotic energy. Make sure both your hands are massaging with the same rhythm.

Heart Circles

One hand does the Healing Stroke; the other massages the heart center. The Taoist name for the point directly between the nipples is the Sea of Tranquility. You are massaging the places of love. Massage the penis and the heart as if they were the same place.

Nipple Cirlces

Men’s nipples can be awakened as places of exquisite pleasure. I recommend massaging lightly with fingernails, then massaging with palm circles.


A major goal of Taoist Erotic Massage is the healing of the heart-genital connection. When sacred erotic energy is allowed to build up in the hips, it connects to the heart. Sometimes the energy travels up the back of the body, over the head and down the front of the body to the heart. Other times it takes the short route through the belly to the heart. Berlin is a sweeping stroke using the forearm on the torso from the upper chest to the pubic bone. Wipe away all walls between the heart and the genitals. This stroke was named in Berlin in October 1990, as Germany was reunited. Celebrate the heart-genital connection. Sweep away the walls with Berlin. The other hand does the Healing Stoke.

Belly Bliss

With Belly Bliss, pleasure the abdomen as you pleasure the Gates of Consciousness. As one hand pulls the skin of the penis taut, place the heel of your other hand on the Gates, fingers toward the heart, and rub. Let your fingers caress the belly. Often you can get an orbit of energy up the penis into the belly at the second chakra and down to the penis again. Massage round and round.

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Conscious Breath in Penis Massage

Conscious Breath in Penis Massage

2:15 min.

Leg Massage and Healing

Everyone loves to have their legs massaged, but most leg massages stop several inches from the penis. Let one hand start near the knee, massaging up to the base of the penis while the other hand does the Healing Stroke. Position your partner’s foot against his opposite knee (Tree position in yoga or Hand Man in Tarot), and massage the inner thigh and perineum. This is also a great position for Twist and Shout / Six O’clock Good News. Another position for leg massage is your partner’s knee in the air, his foot flat on the table. Support his foot with your leg on the table. Furrow with your thumb down the thigh muscles, each stroke ending at the base of the penis. Rock the leg muscles. As you put the leg back on the table, support the knee. Do both legs.

Core Vibrations

Vibrate the perineum with the heel of your palm or your fist as your partner exhales, making a loud sound. Pull his sound all the way down to his root. Sound is a vibration in the body that can connect with the erotic vibration. As you vibrate, be careful not to bounce the balls. Massage the perineum and the upper thighs with your fist. Make sure you use plenty of oil.

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Scrotal Massage

Scrotal Massage

4:15 min.

Ring Balls

Circle the scrotum with your thumb and index finger between the balls and the body. Make sure the skin is taut. Scratch the balls lightly with fingernails, then massage with your palm. Be sure to watch your partner’s face for feedback.


Pull the skin down toward the base of the penis and juice as you would an orange this stroke is done mostly with the fingers. Don’t put too much pressure on the head, just the shaft. This is a great stroke to alternate with Twist and Shout. This stroke was developed by a erotic massage pioneer, Ray Stubbs.

Cock Cradling

With the penis on the belly, put one hand palm up underneath the penis and your other hand palm down on top, your fingers pointing toward his feet. Glide your hands back and forth in different directions, enveloping as much of the penis as possible. The back of one hand rubs the lower belly. Vary speed, pressure. Encourage your partner to let go of expectations of how sex should be or should feel. He merely has to receive. No thing to do.


With the penis pointed straight up, rub with different speeds between your palms. This is a high friction stroke so be sure to use enough oil. This is a great stroke to alternate with Cock Cradling. Allow your hands to feel the heat. With this stroke, invite male red energy to move throughout your partner’s body. This energy is the source of passion and creativity.

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Massaging the Head of the Penis

Massaging the Head of the Penis

2:45 min.

Hairy Palm Sunday

Hold the penis in one hand just below the head. Using your well-oiled palm, slowly massage the head of the penis. The tip is the crown chakra in cock reflexology, so be very slow and sensitive.


Each stroke starts at the base, wrapping your hand around the penis and gliding up and off at the tip. Alternate, using both hands, stroking the energy up toward the sky. Repeat again and again.Phallos is the masculine image of the divine. Worship with your hands.

Hand Jive

Weave your fingers together, taking the penis between your palms and rubbing up and down and back and forth. Hand Jive is actually a hand dance. Make it up as you go along.

Carpe Diem

Stoke the penis toward the heart, and at the same time tug the balls toward the feet. If your partner’s balls are sensitive, watch his face during this stroke.

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The Big Draw

The Big Draw

2:45 min.


Place your second finger between your partner’s eyebrows on the third eye, place your other second finger at the base of the penis on the root chakra / perineum. Vibrate as if your fingertips are touching each other. Invite your partner to make sounds on the exhale as you vibrate.

The Big Draw

The man receiving does the Big Draw. The masseur stops touching at this point. Man receiving: take a full deep breath and hold for twenty seconds. Clench all the muscles of your body and slightly lift your head and feet. Remember to clench your butt muscles. If you have any weakness in your lower back, do the Big Draw without lifting your head or your feet. After twenty seconds of clenching, let go. Be with the energy. Do not try to control your consciousness. Let it be. No thing to do. The Big Draw squeezes the orgasmic energy you have generated into the core of your being where it shoots up through your heart and out the top of your head, connecting your energy with the the energy. This is often the time we become deeply aware of all of our relations, especially those we love.


About two minutes after the Big Draw, cover your partner with a sheet. Let him be with his own energy for ten to thirty minutes. Do not touch, move or talk to him. Some men feel the sheet as a cocoon, some men feel the sheet as a shroud. The Tantrics say, in The Tibetan Book of the Dead, that the Big Draw is the way we die. Sex can be a preparation for that energetic transition. After the Big Draw, most men experience a state of grace, a time of deep peace.

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